Another Belated Sunday Six

21 03 2011

Let’s be honest here for a moment, folks… I suck at deadlines. If my life/grade doesn’t depend on it, I will probably be late when it comes to producing something. Whether it’s mailing something out on time or posting six sentences, chances are it will be late.

But enough about me. Let’s talk about this little paragraph from my story. This is a scene I’ve had bouncing around in my head for a long time. Dee and Jimmy are my favorite couple in all of the stories I’ve ever written. The love/hate tension between them builds and festers for a long time before Jimmy finally makes the first move. I know it might come off as Jimmy being a major jerk in this scene, but… well, he kind of is, but for “good” reasons I haven’t told anyone yet.

Also, this segment happens to be seven sentences, not six. No matter how I rephrased everything, the seventh sentence had to stay. I also refused to remove any of the others. I really like this little “sceneshot,” and I hope you do, too. It starts in the middle of a rant Dee is unloading on Jimmy for being “reckless, arrogant, self-absorbed” and the like when he suddenly cuts her off mid-sentence…

(It also helps to listen to “Hanging By a Moment” by Lifehouse when you read this. I wrote this while listening to it, just fyi.)

Without warning, Jimmy grabbed her arms and slammed her against the wall. Dee’s eyes grew wide as Jimmy’s lips crushed into her own, bringing her rage to an equally violent halt. He kissed her angrily, almost viciously, with a passion she had never known as his hands squeezed her until she would surely bruise. And yet somehow, her anger had vanished, and  she didn’t care what he did as long as he didn’t stop. Her breath was taken away while her heart pounded against her chest, engulfed in a firy rampage within her thoughts. She hadn’t felt such a surge of emotion since Tobiah—

Finding what was left of herself, Deidra shoved against his chest, cursing under her breath as she turned and hurried away from him. It was too late to hide her tears.

 

You like? I like. Well, sorta. I wish I could include more. As I’ve learned the last three Sundays, “the Sunday six” just isn’t really working for me, at least not on a regular basis. I like the challenge of making every word in every sentence count, but I don’t like cutting my scenes short. I cut this scene short and I’m not too happy about how it turned out.

After Tweeting back and forth with Lexcade a bit, I’ve decided that any writing I share here will be along the lines of “Teaser Tuesday,” or maybe make it my own by calling it “Sceneshot Sunday.” I don’t really know yet what I’ll call it or when I’ll post it, but I do know Mondays are better writing/blogging days for me than any other. I think for my first post, I’ll share the full sceneshot from above. This really doesn’t do it justice.

Tune in next time, folks.